First things first. In the words of Billy Crystal as Fernando Lamas, “It’s not how you feel, it’s how you look.” And with the help of this article, darling “you’ll look mahvelous!”
The primary goal of First Dance Fabulous is to help you feel good about moving around the dance floor. But the beauty of what you’re about to learn here in Lesson #1 is that it will help you look good everywhere else, too.
In a good marriage, both partners are able to stand independently on their own two feet. You lean on each other, and support each other, but ultimately, you’re each responsible for yourself.
Before you ever start dancing together, you want to make sure you can move somewhat gracefully and with some control on your own.

There’s big idea here: Integrated Movement. Our goal is for the two of you to move as one. That can’t happen until each one of you is moving as one. This is not the gym, where you exercise your arms one day and your legs the next. Your body is integrated. Solo Exercise #1 – Posture and movement
A good way to get started with this exercise is to stand with your back against a wall. See how long you can get your spine while pressing as much of your back and the back of your head against the wall. Visualize your spine getting very long and tall.

Feel your feet on the floor while you stretch long through your spine.

Do not look at your feet or the floor! When you and your partner are dancing, you’ll want to look into each other’s eyes, not at each others shoes!
It’s important that whenever you’re practicing that you make every effort to keep your head up and your gaze focused at eye level.
Remember to breathe! You should take slightly deeper breaths than normal. I like to imagine that I’m breathing from the base of my spine all the way to the top of my head. There’s more on this in the videos, but for now, really inhale (think “expanding”) and exhale (contracting, but keeping that spine nice and long.)
The great thing about this exercise is that you can practice anywhere and any time. That’s a key to really learning good posture: practice in any little moment over the course of your day. You don’t have to get all dramatic, like Richard Gere in “Shall We Dance?” (He practiced his steps while waiting for a train.) But you could, for example practice in the elevator, or standing in line at the bank.
So far, we’ve focused on your spine and torso. Now, let’s think about legs. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart. It is important, as you dance, that your feet are parallel. Your toes should point straight ahead (it’s OK to look down to check this right now.)
Since almost everyone’s feet naturally point out a bit, this is what you need to do to get your feet to point straight: you rotate your thighs slightly inward. Hold your belly in and strengthen the muscles in your legs, particularly your inner thighs.
Feel your feet on the floor. No, really! Obviously you know that your feet are on the floor, but it’s important to really feel where your weight is being transferred. Move your weight from one foot to the other, and from the back of your foot to the front. In general, you want to carry your weight towards the inside of the front of your foot.
Next, stand as if you are going trying to press the floor away from you with your feet.

Notice when you do this how it
affects the rest of your body.

When you strengthen your leg muscles, notice how that feeling connects into your belly.

Now, keeping all that going on in your belly, legs and feet and at the same time pull your shoulders down.

Notice that your body feels completely different now — more alive and strong. Doing all of these actions at once creates the feeling of integration so when you take a step, all of you goes to it rather than your head going forward and your butt staying back or vice versa.

Once you’ve captured that feeling and can maintain it, walk around the room.
Walk slowly and pay attention to keeping your head up while you still feel your feet on the floor. This may feel a little odd to you at first, but that’s only natural. After all, you’ve been standing and walking a different way all your life. What you’ll find is that you look great and in short order, it will feel completely natural to move with your new, confident stance.
These preliminary exercises will make the bride look like the belle of the ball and the groom look like the man of the hour! This is stuff that most dance videos don’t cover and it’s the foundation of looking like a dancer.
These exercises are meant to help you get accustomed to how your body feels when you are in your dance embrace. By holding your body, and walking this way, you feel strong, long and elegant. You’ll begin to move this way naturally. In your wedding dance, you’ll look gorgeous and fabulous. And what’s more…those feelings won’t stop when the song ends.
Feeling tall, powerful, and connected from head to toe will give you more confidence on the inside as well as an air of self-assuredness on the outside. Your new “dancer’s posture” will positively change the way the world sees you.
This is the juice, baby! It’s the most rewarding side benefit to being a dancer.

A note on Poise

Good posture is to the body what poise is to the mind. Poise is grace under fire, it’s composure, and it’s the ability to stay calm and collected in, say, a situation like your first dance.
So how do you get it? Start by faking it ‘til you make it! Act as if you’re already the elegant, graceful, confident dancer that you want to be.
Dancing is mental as well as physical, and the mental game is every bit as important. Your thoughts are very important when learning. Where you put your focus will affect your entire experience—especially the end result.
Make sure that always tell yourself that this is going to work. This is fun. This is easy. You’re here to help your partner. If fears, doubts, or frustration enter your mind (and, since you’re only human, they sometimes will) it is vital to acknowledge them and quickly get back to a positive self-image. You need to visualize dancing beautifully. If you find you can’t, it’s time to take a break. Come back to it when you feel better.

On your wedding day, all eyes are on you and this is never more true than the moment you take the floor as husband and wife to perform your first dance. The wedding dance is a wedding tradition that symbolizes the two of you taking your steps together into life, in unison. To make sure your wedding dance truly shines keep these things in mind:

· What matters most is that you are connected and together. The best way to do this is to make eye contact with your partner every now and then while you are dancing and to keep breathing.

· It’s natural to feel a bit nervous. Make sure you and your partner are encouraging each other and again, keep breathing. Most people stop breathing when they get nervous and that only makes it worse because you stop sending oxygen to your brain. Passing out is no way to end your first danceJ.

· When you walk out onto the dance floor together, stand up straight and hold your head high. This will give you an air of poise and confidence.

· Smile. Not a fake cheesy smile, but a genuine – “Gee, I’m married to this amazing person in my arms” smile. Even if you are trying hard to remember your steps…this is really important.

· Make sure to stay with your partner. Don’t try any fancy new moves on your wedding day. The wedding dance is not the time to pull out all the stops, it’s time to share your love for each other with the world.

· If you make a mistake, keep going. My motto is ‘Fake it til you make it” and it really works. Should you get totally lost, calmly pause, reconnect with your partner, and begin again.

· Your guests are not dance experts. You are not on “Dancing with the Stars” or “So You Think You Can Dance.” The idea is not to show of how skilled of dancers you are. The idea is to connect in this wonderful wedding tradition.

· Make sure you choose a first dance song that you can hear the beat easily and that inspires you.

A note about logistics: Make sure to tell your wedding videographer and photographer that you are going to dance and to make sure to capture this important part of the evening. It’s important to communicate this with them. Recently some students of mine were terribly disappointed when their videographer left for another wedding before they performed their first dance….and they had been taking lessons and practicing for months. Don’t let this happen to you.

Whether you take lessons in a studio, learn from a DVD, or just go it on your own, keep it fun, relaxed and simple and you’ll shine from the inside out as you express your love for each other through your first dance.

Let’s face it, weddings can be stressful. That’s why it’s good to keep it light. Check out my new shop on Cafepress where you can get great apparel and gifts for the bride, groom and wedding party. It’s always a good idea to add a little fun into the mix. I’ve made a design that has been very popular with the sentiment, “Our first dance will last forever”….Ahhhhh so romantic! Go, check it out and get your fiance a little gifty and get one for yourself while you are at it!

The following is an excerpt from my First Dance Fabulous e-book. It’s part of the First Dance Fabulous system that helps you learn to dance for your wedding in hours not days. I hope you find it helpful!

How to Really Connect in your Wedding Dance
Solo Exercise – The Circle of Energy
Before you can connect with your partner, we need you to connect with yourself. The purpose of this exercise is to prepare you to hold your partner in your dance embrace. You’ll find that this exercise will help you to connect your arms to your spine and torso such that your entire upper body operates as one unit.
This is an EXTREMELY valuable exercise that will prepare you to dance in partnership. It’s also additional practice for your balance and control.
Find a wall. This time face the wall and stand about a 12-18” away. You want to be just far enough away that you can reach the wall with your elbows still slightly bent.
Now, lean against the wall with all your body weight. Let your arms bend like you are doing a push-up against the wall. Then push yourself away. Try that a couple of times to see how it feels.

Got it? Good.

Now you are going to do the same thing, but on a smaller scale. Lean into the wall only about an inch, so you still feel your balance, but your weight has moved over the balls of your feet. You’ll be supported most of your own weight and putting just a little pressure on the wall.
The goal is to feel connected to the wall, without leaning on it completely. This is a good way to feel the muscles that you’ll be using, and to get a sense of the isometric tension in those muscles when you are actually dancing. You’ll mostly be using your pectorals and lats (ie, the emphasis is on your chest and upper back, more than your shoulders and arms.)
Practice pulling your shoulders slightly down and back as you shift your weight and balance to lean gently into the wall. That shoulder position will help you stay connected to your own body while you connect to your partner.

Now, move away from the wall. Pull your shoulders down, pull your belly in, and stand up straight. Make a circle with your arms at chest height. Press the back of one hand firmly but gently into the palm of the other. At this point, it will look as if you’re hugging a beach ball. In fact, that’s just about what the man should feel, he’s drawing the ball gently inward; for her part, the woman is gently expanding the ball. (Yes, the man’s the rubber of the ball, and the woman’s the air!)

Each of you is creating your own circle of energy, and later, when you connect your circle with your partner’s you’ll create a balanced, single entity that is greater than either partner on his or her own. That’s a great metaphor for your whole marriage!
Back to your circle! Keep your head up and look slightly to the left. Imagine your chin is just towards your left collarbone. This is true for the woman and the man.

All of these exercises work for both of you

When you hold your body this way, you are creating your personal “dance frame” or “dance space.” When you feel your frame is secure, walk around holding your frame and soften your knees slightly. You’ll notice that your movement glides a bit more when you do this.
Simply soften your knees and walk gracefully around the room, without bouncing. With your frame strong and your knees soft, practice taking one step at a time and balancing there before you take the next step. When you walk, don’t lift your feet—our goal here is more of a sliding step. Your weight should be all on one foot, but the other foot should always remain in contact with the floor.
Really work on feeling that you take one step at a time moving from balance to balance. And pay attention to breathing, too. When you hold your breath you look and feel tense, so be sure to breath deeply and regularly as you practice.

Have you ever heard the expression: “Conceive it, believe it, achieve it”? It’s the mantra of athletes, politicians, and all sorts of success-minded people. And it’s a concept that can help you, too.
To get yourself into ‘the zone’ when you’re practicing, it’s a good idea to use visualization and affirmation techniques. Create a mental picture of yourself looking elegant and relaxed moving across the floor at your wedding. Say silently to yourself, ‘I am moving with grace and poise.”
Train your body and mind and you’ll be unstoppable!

It’s no news to anyone that weddings are become more extravagant and elaborate and exciting! Many of the couples I work with find themselves getting stressed out with all the planning and drama and work that comes with their wedding.

One of my roles in a couple’s life is to help them remember and directly experience the reason they are having a wedding in the first place. LOVE! I have to admit, I fall in love with each of my couples and have a hard time saying goodbye when their big day comes.

Love is contagious. Just like my couples, I can get caught in the daily hassles of life and planning their routines etc. Then I see my students and I remember, Oh….yes, love. Love, love…Love. That is what dancing is all about. After all, dancing is making love to music right?

So whether you plan on having a choreographed, full on Fred and Ginger style routine for your wedding, or your just planning on grabbing each other and cuddling your way through it, remember that each touch you share is an expression of your love for each other. This is the magic that makes the stress and details melt away.

Love, apply generously and often.

The Today show is throwing a Martha Stewart Wedding for Cody and Jessica. This little segment talks about their first dance.TODAY throws a Martha Stewart Wedding: The First Dance There are some good tips about choosing a song and listen to what Pierre Dulaine says about the dance frame…exactly the kind of thing I stress in my First Dance Fabulous system! Plus…he’s a superstar….they mention that Antonio Banderas played him in “Take the Lead” but they fail to mention that his work with kids inspired another feature film documentary, “Mad Hot Ballroom” and has sparked children’s ballroom dance programs all over the country!

Kyla and Jeremy are getting married this weekend! They are such a cute couple and this was their last lesson. It’s funny, as cute as they are in this video…I failed to capture just how bright and sparkly they are. Plus, they are in week before the wedding mode (anyone who’s gotten married knows about this!.) They’ve promised to send a copy of their actual dance so…check back in a couple of weeks to see how it went!

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This is Jason and Theresa. They are getting married on Sept. 22. They still have a couple more lessons left to polish everything up, but they look great. Take a look at their WDTV episode to see how they feel about their dance. In the interview, Jason admitted he was just doing the lesson for Theresa and that it wasn’t really his thing. (For the sake of time - and I’ll admit it…greater marketing exposure…I edited it out of the video.) Hey…he’s a great actor, he looks like he’s having fun and he’s doing a great job. I applaud him for making his woman happy!

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This is Billie and Brent. They are getting married November 24. Their routine is coming along and they look great. They both have some dance background so we’ve been able to add some special elements…I didn’t want to give the whole dance away…check back in a couple of weeks to see their progress.

I can’t wait to see their actual wedding video!
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